After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
