What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
