my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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