Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
