I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
