How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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