Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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