My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
