i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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