Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
