she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I party with great urgency now.
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