I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
