Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
