are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
