i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
