I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
