he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
