The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
