youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
