So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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