i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Pants 0. Shit 1.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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