they need to just BURY HIM!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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