im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
