i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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