so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
