There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
