if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
