I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
even my farts smell like vagina
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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