he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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