Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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