I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
