I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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