Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
