STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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