He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
