somebody snuck up and got me drunk
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
