Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You need Xanax blowdarts
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
