would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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