i'm lost and i look like a hooker
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
