I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
