i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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