We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize