I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
