He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
