Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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