Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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