I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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