I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
