She is in my trunk
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
