I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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