I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
