Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
