3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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