We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
