I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
