that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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