she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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