you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize