how can u be prego again
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
