Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
