You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize